Natural Food Alert!!!

Don’t eat a lot of natural foods because many people die of natural causes.

“Five Remembrances”

“I will lose my youth, my health, my loved ones, everything I hold dear and, finally, life itself by the very nature of being human.”

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A perfect Christmas gift

Thanks to Don B. for the below:

The No-Punt Offense

Kevin Kelley, coach of the Pulaski Academy football team in Little Rock, Ark., has called for only a single punt in the past two years. Like a seasoned gambler, Kelley has figured out that punting on fourth and long near your own end zone decreases the odds of the other team’s scoring by only a relatively slim amount. So going for it will pay off in the long run: Pulaski won a state championship last year and is in the hunt this year too.

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Rough landing

The below plane which I have seen many times over my house had a rough landing today close to my house. Perhaps I will start wearing my motorcycle helmet 100 % of the time although I will look kind of silly in the shower with it on (some think I look pretty silly in the shower without a helmet – sorry that is probably more mental image than you wanted)

Yours truly,

Wrinkles

Pilot and passenger walk away: Click here

I stole below but you will laugh anyway…

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.

Our own Mark Abels…

I missed it but my daughter saw it and gave it to me; our own Mark Abels is on the stage again. I have seen a couple of his performances and he is good. I am sorry this notice is a bit late but my daughter just gave it to me and at least you have today to catch the play. “Break a leg” Mark.

Census taker

Thanks to “cuz” Judy for the below:

A census taker in a rural area of Mississippi went up to a farmhouse and knocked.  When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages..  She said, ‘Les’ see now, there’s the twins, Sally and Billy, they’re thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they’re twenty-four . ‘ 
‘Hold on!’ said the census taker, ‘Did you get twins EVERY time?’ 
The woman answered, ’ Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin.’

Java man on earth long before Ardi

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Is there a turkey surgeon out there?

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